BITPHONIC

The 2008 Edition of “shit that just didn’t work for me”

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Before I start talking about some of my favorite ear candy this year, I’d like to rant bluntly about some shit that just didn’t work for me. Please note that most of this is an exaggeration based on a bit of truth – mostly for humor yes, I mean please take no offense. Really. Ok. Note this is being published in categories “music” and “Drunk”.

Crystal Stilts / Glasvegas / A Place To Bury Strangers / Any of the Multitude of bands whom cheerfully owe debts to Jesus and Mary Chain / My Bloody Valentine / The Cure
Now I have been known to harbor an occasional affinity for miserablist music but this year was so dense with chainsaw guitars, reverb-laden mumbling, and echoing tambourine beats that I want to just crawl up into a ball with a fifth of Jameson and cry myself to sleep.

Kanye West
I find it really difficult to regard 808s and Heartbreak as even remotely “forward looking” or futuristic when its central conceit is based on a piece of technology that is at least 10 years old. Furthermore, the man is about as juvenile as a celebrity can get.

Spiritualized – Songs in A & E
I’m a huge fan of Spiritualized’s Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space, but this new one just didn’t do anything for me. I understand J Spaceman went through a little rough patch in his life, so hopefully the next one will be a bit more, I don’t know, inspired by drug use maybe.

Lil Wayne – “Lolipop”
First of all, it is clear to me now that “Auto Tune” is a genre. Second, a deep thought occurred to me earlier: if something is dumb on purpose, is it still dumb? No, not in all cases. I thought Art Brut’s first album was genius. Yet, in this case, yes, and probably much more dumb than if it were unintentional.

Be Your Own Pet – Get Awkward
WHY IS THIS GIRL YELLING AT ME? WHAT DID I DO TO HER? My oh my her diction is quite clear, though. Shit, couldn’t they have moved that microphone away from the amp a little? It’s clipping rather horribly.

That new Killers single
Dear God is that thing horrible.

Phish
Yeah, I still don’t get the appeal of a bunch of bearded guys noodling around in the same key for 15 minutes or why recordings of live appearances of the aforementioned somehow bear repeat listens. “You had to be there, man”. Man, you weren’t even there. Now Zappa, that guy was a fucking genius.

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Written by Adam N. Copeland

December 16, 2008 - 11:49 pm at 11:49 pm

Posted in Drunk, music

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